What I"m Learning through Philippians 1:9-11

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God."
Philippians 1:9-11

My sophomore year of high school... i placed my full faith and trust in the hands of God. I told myself I didn't need a boyfriend or even friends to make myself happy or worth something... what I got was one of the best years of my life... a great accountability partner and friend who helped me get consumed by God (Megan)... the year ended with me joyful and confident in Christ and myself. With that God sent me on another journey... this time in a relationship with an amazing person I have grown to love so much... but somewhere along the way, my priorities got messed up... I let myself rely more on my relationship with a person to bring me joy and meaning than I did on God. I didn't make some terrible life decision or anything dramatic... i just let my mind shift...

in doing so, I came to expect things that are not fair to expect...things someone can only get from God... to look for them in just a person only brings pain...

Fro most of my life up to now... i have let my parents make the decisions....now in college all of a sudden I make the decisions for the most part... I let myself expect the answers God should have given from someone else... and in doing so put enormous pressure on that person. After all, that person was learning to make decisions for the first time too... attempting to get them from God... and then I was asking for them to get my answers too.... that is not fair...

So now I am taking this opportunity to find that place of joy and confidence again. I need to have that focus again... and this time I need to learn how to make it last through any and every circumstance...I have not given up hope that God will bring about that relationship again.... but I know that before that can happen, I need to embark on another journey... a journey of my own. I'm going to need support and at least a friend to help me through... but I am hopeful, if not looking forward to the journey because I know from experience it will be amazing.

Maybe once this chapter has been ended.... God will lead us back together again...as different people who are prepared to take on the challenge of balancing a two relationships... one with God and one with a person....

or

Maybe by then, it won't hurt so badly to think that it won't happen that way... maybe once this chapter has ended I will be able to see a life without that person....but right now it does hurt to think of that...and I am continuing to hope and pray with all my heart that once this adventure of finding out who we are for now is over... we can be together again....

so..."... this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God."
Philippians 1:9-11