Search My Heart...

I am really good at figuring out what is wrong with other people's lives. I'm also pretty good at pointing out how I think they should fix it. Let face it, I've got my opinion and am all to eager to share it most of the time.

Somebody once told me of the freshman syndrome where college freshmen think they know the answers to everything and become really arrogant and proud about it. I've been living in that for a while now... and I think I just might be leaving that stage.

My own freshman experience is quite the opposite. I know way less than I thought I did. Life is more complicated that I thought it was. The right answers don't always come as easily as my own answers.

I've learned a lot lately how to search my own heart. I know that I listened and tried to apply wise teaching to my own life in the past, but at the same time... I always had someone else in mind that needed to hear it too. So and so should be here to hear this... so and so should read this book... etc.

Holding others accountable is a great thing. Wanting to help people come to a greater understanding of God and his Love is a wonderful thing. But you have to focus on holding yourself accountable too.

I'm a master at telling my brother about the splinter in their eye while I have a log in my own. I give people advice and think they should follow it. I have been having to use some of my own advice on myself lately... and I don't really want to hear it a lot of times. I struggle to do the right thing when I've told girls in my youth group these things for years!

I think there is something to be said about being too hard on yourself... some people just can't see the good in themselves. But there is also something to be said about self-examination. Asking God to search my heart and tell me the things I need to change.

I realize that now... I need to do that more often. I have given people a hard time in the past about doing this, but I realize now that they, no he was right.

I can be controlling, i think being opinionated and control often go hand in hand. We think that we know the right way to do something, so we make it get done that way. M y need to control how people think, to control what happens, to control how a situation plays out... these all come from a broken desire. I have been learning how desperatly I need to let go. Surrender it all to God. "He is 100% trustworthy and more than capable of doing what needs to be done in your life". I know this deep down. I know his way is better than anything I could make. I know he can heal and guide people like no one else can.


"God, search me and know my heart. See if there is any wrong thing in me. All I ever want are clean hands and a pure heart. I want to be Your agent of love in the world. I want to build people up - not tear them down. You can change people's lives better than anyone on earth. You can change my life. Help me surrender control. I know that You can and will complete Your plan for my life and the lives of those I love. I don't need to be a part of their transformations for it to happen - only You need to be a part of there lives for that to happen. I will sing of your unfailing love, for you have been good to me. You protect and provide for me, you comfort me. May Your will be done, not mine."