An Interesting Point in Captivating...

So I am reading Captivating with some friends... what a great book... it just digs into a woman's heart and soul to figure out what she is all about and how God has made her for a wonderful purpose.

But one chapter has a little blurb about men. John Eldredge (author of Wild at Heart for men) co-wrote this book with his wife... but confesses that at first he did not want to write it:

"Oh, I thought it ought to be written. I t need to be written. I just didn't want to be the one to do it. I knew it would require me to enter into the world of women- and into my woman's world - in a far deeper way than daily life requires of me. To do any sort of justice to a book for women would require me to go deeper, listen even more carefully, study, delve into the mystery (okay- bloody mes) of a woman's soul. Part of me just didn't want to go there. I had what felt like an allergic reaction. Pull back. Withdraw.

I was keenly aware of this going on inside me, and I felt like a jerk. But I also knew enough about myself and about the battle for a woman's heart that I needed to explore this ambivalence. What is this thing in me - and in most men- that just doesn't want to go deep into a woman's world? You are too much. Too Hard. It's too much work. Men are simpler. Easier. And isn't that just the message you've lived with all your life as a woman? "you're too much, and not enough. You're just not worth the effort." (And why is it such an effort? There must be something wrong with you.)

Now, part of a man's fundamental reluctance to truly dive into the world of a woman comes from a man's deepest fear, failure. Oh, he may joke about "the differences of men and women," Mars and Venus and all that. But the truth is, he is afraid. He fears that having delved into his woman's world, he won't have what it takes to help her there. That is his sin. That is his cowardice. And because of her shame, most of the time a man gets away with it. Most marriages (and long-term dating relationships) reach this sort of unspoken settlement. "I'm not coming any closer. This is as far as I'm willing to go. But, I won't leave, and that ought to make you happy." And so there is this sort of detente, a cordial agreement to live only so close.

The effect is that most women feel alone."

And this digs into the ultimate fear of women, according to captivate, which I agree with. The ultimate fear of a woman's heart is abandonment.

What a broken world we live in, what a viscous cycle. Women define themselves in terms of relationships, and then life in a great fear of being abandoned by those relationships. We do everything in our power to hold onto them, which ultimately pushes them away.

I just find John Eldredge's commentaries so interesting. It is so true. Nothing makes a man split faster than a crying woman. They just get uncomfortable. Pretty much everyone knows this or jokes about this. But why? Some men really just don't want to deal with it. Don't want to get their hands dirty and could care less. Other men really do care, but are paralyzed by their fear that they will fail to solve the problem. Either way, when it comes to a woman in distress, most men just get the feeling don't go there.

Now I know that is very general and I'm sure not all men fit into those two options... but it is interesting to me all the same how it is true. Sometimes women attribute these types of things with men just being jerks. They don't care, just use you and move on. But what if they really do care? They are just paralyzed by their fears, the same as we women are so many times.

It is only through the mercy, grace, strength, and peace of God that any of us can hope to overcome this broken world. We must run to him for comfort, because he will never abandon us. Through his perfect love, he drives out all fear and restores.