The Road Not Taken

So this is by far my favorite poem ever written... Now I'm not that well read in poetry, so that may not be saying much but it is still such a wonderful poem. I have to memorize it for my 7th grade English class, and I still have it memorized today.

It is also the inspiration for my new blog title since it occurred to me that my old title was the same as Audriana's blog... haha i knew it sounded familiar...

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Changing My Title

So I decided to change the title of this blog today. I'm kind of not in the same place that I was when I created it.

I now know what it is to take joy from every situation God has given me. I'm just a more joyful person than I was oh a month ago... and I want my blog to reflect that...

Thankful for Thanksgiving

I was talking with a friend the other day about how excited I am about Thanksgiving this year.

It has never really been a huge holiday in my house. We don't eat turkey because my dad makes amazing roast beef gravy and we just prefer that better. The only thing is that we have that for Sunday dinner a lot so it's not exactly special. Also, I have no family down here in Florida so normally it is just us. So not really anything out of the ordinary other than that it's not a Sunday.

This year though it is all new. Even though it is still just my family (even minus my sister because she is with her fiance's family this year) and still the same meal, I am just so excited. That's because I got to come home from Nashville, I really am getting to see people I love and care about that I don't normally get to see anymore. Also, I haven't had good home cooking like this since I last came home.

There is another reason too though. This semester has been pretty brutal to me thus far. I moved away from home (which is hard in and of itself), and pretty much had my life as I saw it completely overturned. It was heart ache that I've never really know in my blessed life. But God is faithful, and has brought me through into a place of just astonishment and awe at how amazing and loving He is. Even through my pain, I know he was carrying out his plan for my life. I was just being too stubborn to see it. Everything that I now love about my life, there is no question in my mind that God has given it to me. New friends who are so great. Fun, encouraging, and just beautiful people all around. They are a gift from God to help and encourage me and I them. He has also provided people to rock climb, play racquetball, volleyball, and swim with. Things I would love to do, but just can't work up the courage to (or can't) do alone. In everything he has provided exactly what I need. This next semester has the potential to be amazing and I know that it is all because of God's great mercy and love watching over me.

So I'm excited about Thanksgiving the most because the holiday isn't just about food, or even family. It is about being thankful. God has just granted me this joyful perspective on life. I am just so thankful what he has taken me through and now what there is to come. I can't wait to sit around that table and say "man, God you are just awesome."

I am thankful for His abounding love and faithfulness. I am thankful for everything He has given me, everyone He has blessed me to know and love, for the gifts and talents He has given me and the chance to figure out how they can be used to further His kingdom, and just everything because it is working to fulfill his purpose.

Man, God, your just awesome!

Thanksgiving Parade

So I was watching the traditional Thanksgiving Day parade

and let me tell you I have never been more disappointed with the parade in my life.

So Kermit the frog is singing this song called "I Believe" which is basically about how I believe in Santa... and there is one part in the chorus where he goes on to say that he believes in love because he believes in Santa. It got me thinking... what does Santa have to do with love? Other than the love of stuff, really nothing.

Then, at the end of the Parade or course Santa comes and the announcer is talking about how that part always makes her cry. To see all the children waving at him, how special that was for kids, and all of them saying bring me something Santa. It is just magical. I'm like wait... it is magical that all these kids being greedy? what?

It just hit me how consumer driven America is and how sad that makes me. Christmas is not about Santa and it is not about stuff. Christmas is about celebrating the birth of our savior. The beginning of reconciliation to God. Because of what happened at Christmas we now have the opportunity to be in a loving relationship with the maker of the Universe! That is why I love Christmas. Not because of the stuff I get. Not because of Santa.

Wisdom

I've found more and more where I become ensnared in my Christian walk. Where many people fall - understanding.

For some time, things seem to work out the way we understand. This doesn't mean everything works the way we want, but if something goes wrong, we can at least pretend to identify a logical explanation for why it happened the way it did. I've learned, however, that not everything in life will work out this orderly way. Things happen that just don't make any sense. This could be a tragedy, a miracle, or maybe just your daily routine not working out.

This is where I struggle with God. When those things happen that I just can't understand, I get thrown into the reality that I am not in control. I think we can fool ourselves into believing that we are putting out faith in Christ, especially when things are working out. It takes a lot to realize that we have been fooling ourselves. We never really trust God as much as we say we do. We are really just agreeing with God when he does what we think is right. When our own plan gets shaken up, that's when reality kicks in.

This being my big struggle, I found that the writer of Ecclesiastes shares it with me:

" 'I am determined to be wise' - but this was beyond me. Whatever wisdom may be, it is far off and most profound- who can discover it? So I turned my mind to understand, to investigate and to search out wisdom and the scheme of things and to understand the stupidity of wickedness and the madness of folly." (Ecc. 7:23-25)

The flaw in his and my thinking is pretty clear. In the beginning he admits that wisdom is beyond him. "Who can discover it?" And then he goes right back into the trap. Instead of looking at God, at his majesty and power, and saying I will trust in Him because he has all the wisdom I need, he turns his effort into understanding again!

Why can't I just say God is in control and that is all I need to know and be done with it? As soon as I let go of my plan, I start making a new one.

"No one can comprehend what does on under the sun. Despite all his efforts to search it out, man cannot discover its meaning. Even if a wise man claims he knows, he cannot really comprehend it. So I reflected on all this and concluded that the righteous and the wise and what they do are in God's hands, but no man knows whether love or hate awaits him." (Ecc. 8:17, 9:1)

It is not in our power to know what will happen to us in the future. Will God bless us with a life or riches or of hardship or of both? God's abundant life does not guarantee financial stability, happiness, and societal status. It does guarantee He will be with us though.

The ultimate display of faith is essentially, I don't understand and I don't care. God is in control and will lead me. I don't need to figure out where in order to stand where I am right now with confidence and obedience to His plan.

Just a little something I was thinking about last night...

Isaiah 40

Comfort for God's People
1 Comfort, comfort my people,
says your God.

2 Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
and proclaim to her
that her hard service has been completed,
that her sin has been paid for,
that she has received from the LORD's hand
double for all her sins.

3 A voice of one calling:
"In the desert prepare
the way for the LORD [a] ;
make straight in the wilderness
a highway for our God. [b]

4 Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.

5 And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
and all mankind together will see it.
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken."

6 A voice says, "Cry out."
And I said, "What shall I cry?"
"All men are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.

7 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
because the breath of the LORD blows on them.
Surely the people are grass.

8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God stands forever."

9 You who bring good tidings to Zion,
go up on a high mountain.
You who bring good tidings to Jerusalem, [c]
lift up your voice with a shout,
lift it up, do not be afraid;
say to the towns of Judah,
"Here is your God!"

10 See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power,
and his arm rules for him.
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.

11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales
and the hills in a balance?

13 Who has understood the mind [d] of the LORD,
or instructed him as his counselor?

14 Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him,
and who taught him the right way?
Who was it that taught him knowledge
or showed him the path of understanding?

15 Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket;
they are regarded as dust on the scales;
he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.

16 Lebanon is not sufficient for altar fires,
nor its animals enough for burnt offerings.

17 Before him all the nations are as nothing;
they are regarded by him as worthless
and less than nothing.

18 To whom, then, will you compare God?
What image will you compare him to?

19 As for an idol, a craftsman casts it,
and a goldsmith overlays it with gold
and fashions silver chains for it.

20 A man too poor to present such an offering
selects wood that will not rot.
He looks for a skilled craftsman
to set up an idol that will not topple.

21 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?

22 He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.

23 He brings princes to naught
and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.

24 No sooner are they planted,
no sooner are they sown,
no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither,
and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.

25 "To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.

26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.

27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.


What an amazing chapter. It speaks to the heart of my life.

How many Christians forget from time to time that it is finished? How many continue to believe that their hard service has not ended? God calls for Isiah to comfort the people. To tell them that they don't have to work anymore - their sins have been paid for. The chapter then goes on to give a calling to the Christian. They are to prepare the way of the Lord, proclaim this message of comfort and glory to the earth. This is not the only lesson of Isaiah 40 though.

Again, how many times do we forget how big God is? Every time I attempt to make my own plans instead of follow the plan of the Lord, I make him a little smaller. We box him into some one we can fully understand, but Isaiah says "Who has understood the mind oft he Lord, or instructed him as his counselor? (40:13)" "To whom, then will you compare God? What image will you compare him to? (40:18)"

God is huge, Isaiah says! The nations are just a drop in a bucket... dust on the scales... just look at the universe and know how infinite He is!

"To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. ($0:25-26)"

We have to be reminded everyday how big God really is.

And finally, the lesson I have learned the most about this year is found at the end of chapter 40. We should not assume that the Christian walk will never become difficult. Even youths grow tired and weary. It is not wrong for me to be tired or downcast. This is an assumption that many Christian sometimes have. We think that because we don't feel content that we are not living up to Christ's calling. We believe that we can't possibly be doing anything right if we don't feel perfect.

We fail to understand that God doesn't promise that we won't grow tired and weary, but that he will renew our strength. It is OK to be tired sometimes. A Christian does not have the guarantee that they he or she will be free of trials and pain, they have the promise that they will be restored after them. They will become discouraged at times, but they will not stay that way.

Praise God! The night gives way to dawn. His mercies are new every morning. I just begun to feel such healing in my own life. God has proven merciful and faithful. He has brought me from my place of despair and questioning into a place on contentment and wonder at his awesome provisions and might.

Major/Minor

So for EIS I have to declare a minor... so I've been thinking a whole lot of what I want it to be...

Actually I'm thinking of double majoring in Entertainment Industry Studies and Business with a minor in Christian Leadership or Youth Ministry and Church Recreation

I don't really know which religion minor to do though....

I guess I'm not sure the what the difference is between them in terms of career opportunities and what not

Anyone have any idea? I would love to hear your thoughts :o)

Learning How to Die

I just love Jon Foreman's four seasons EP's. They are just relaxing to listen to and the lyrics also have so much in them.

I probibly take more out of lyrics than they might have meant for the writer, or a least take them in a different direction. Still, I thought I would share what his song, Learning How to Die makes me think about.

The song may seem depressing to some, but for me it carries this great elegance. For me, learning how to die, learning how to fall, break... all the things he mentions are all about learning to do it gracefully. Life is hard and God says we will never truly find rest on this side of heaven.

I think we have this mixed up idea about life. For a christian, preservation of your life here on earth is not the ultimate goal. We get consumed in the world's idea of self preservation. Paul said to live is Christ and to die is gain. We can extract joy from this life, but our purpose as Christians here is to show God's salvation to the world. Its about Him- not us.

Instead of learning to stand on our own two feet, we as Christians are forever learning to surrender ourselves. Human survival, human nature always makes us look out for ourselves. It is natural to seek happiness. No one has to learn how to survive. We do, however, have to learn how to surrender control.

In a way the Christian journey is learning how to die daily to yourself. This takes a lot of work and pain. The Christian walk almost sounds like this long depressing road of struggle at this point. Actually it does, not almost. Jesus never said it would be easy. He said that the world rejected Him, therefore it would reject His followers.

Thankfully, we do not go down this road alone. If we tried on our own strength, the depressing tale would be the end. But God's grace goes before us and behind us. Engulfing us in encouragement and supernatural strength. We can endure what life throws our way because we understand that this life is not the end. Dieing is not a tragedy for the Christian. It is the beginning. The beginning of ultimate rest and worship of the Almighty God.

In this revelation we learn how to die. How to die to ourselves, how to fall and be humbled gracefully, but also has to literally die. Not in fear, but in joy that God's purpose is being fulfilled.

Learning How to Die by Jon Foreman
I'm gonna miss you
I'm gonna miss you
When you're gone
She says, I love you
I'm gonna miss you
And your songs

And I said, please
Don't talk about the end
Don't talk about how
Every living thing goes away
She said, friend

All along I thought
I was learning how to take
How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die

Hey everyone
I've got nowhere to go
The grave is lazing me
He takes our body slow

And I said, please
Don't talk about the end
Don't talk about how
Every living thing goes away
I said, friend,

All along I thought
I was learning how to take
How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die
Die, die
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die

Part of Tenth Avenue North's Latest Blog...

Here is just a little excerpt from Tenth Avenue North's latest blog. I just love reading it because it is so uplifting. The new perspective, but also the challenge it brings... just thought I would share...

"I perform, and therefore I am accepted.
And that's the way it is.
Or is it?

I wonder if we've realized just how radical the gospel of Jesus really is?
Do we realize that its completely counter intuitive to everything we've ever
learned and everything we've ever experienced?
As Bono once put it, "grace...breaks the spell of karma."
And that's because the gospel works on a different system altogether.
While everyone else on earth proclaims, "you do good and I'll bring you close,"
Christ proclaims, "I was good enough for you to come close."
Tim Keller explains that while religion says,
"I obey therefore I am accepted by God,
the gospel says, " I am already accepted by God because of what Jesus Christ
has done for me, therefore I obey."

He died for us. He performed for us.
We are not accepted because we won eight gold medals.
We're not accepted because we kicked the game winning goal.
We are accepted because He was perfect for us. He earned it. He deserved it.
We are winners now, even though we never won for ourselves.

And that's stinging isn't it?
The gospel hurts our ego terribly I think, because deep down,
I think we all want to earn it.
We want to say, "I did it! Look at how great I did! Look at how awesome I am!"
But the gospel says, "Look at Him! Look at what he did! Look at how awesome He is!"
It's a great relief and a terrible blow to know that you are excessively loved and celebrated,
and it has absolutely nothing to do with you!
In fact, it never will have anything to do with you,
because this whole thing is about Him.

And that's where the title Over and Underneath comes from for our record.
The gospel is exceedingly clear that even at the very heights of our human achievement
and purity, Christ has gone higher. And that's pretty humbling isn't it?
He is over and above the most pure and the most successful, and there isn't
one person on earth who doesn't need Him or owe Him everything.
He has out performed us all!
And at the same time, at the very depths of human wretchedness and insignificance,
Christ has gone lower, bearing our sins, taking our shame, suffering the worst and
most embarrassing loss of all time. The loss of his right standing before his Father.
and the loss of his divine purity by clothing himself in our defeat on the cross.
There is no depth that is too low for his grace.
There is no failure that has fallen to far.
He is underneath us all.

And this friends, should do something profound in you and in me.
When we see that He is better than we could ever be, it cultivates
a deep humility in us, because who are we to look down on anyone?
Don't we need Jesus just as much as the next person?
And at the same time, as we view to what great lengths he went to to forgive us,
hanging on the cross for the very ones who nailed him to it, that should
sober us greatly when we think we are beyond forgiveness.
Is there really anything to dark that his blood cannot clean?
And that should give us great security.

He won what we couldn't win.
He lost what we couldn't afford to lose.
We are loved, and it has nothing to do with us.
And when we get that, that's when the greatest thing of all happens.
When we no longer are taking inventory of ourselves all the time,
feeling good when we do well, and feeling worthless when we fail.
When we no longer swing like a pendulum between pride and shame,
when we no longer think of ourselves higher than we ought or lower than we ought
that's when we can finally and with great relief, think of ourselves less.
When we are finally freed from our obsession with ourselves,
that we might be obsessed with Him, that is when we've
received the greatest gift the gospel can give.

"But we, with unveiled faces, beholding Christ's glory, are being transformed from one
degree of glory to another."
2 Corinthians 3:18"

Good Quote...

So this quote was a part of a sermon at RUF this week... it is just an amazing quote and one that I have defiantly needed to consider at times....

"For you are looking, not at the object of your faith, at Jesus, but at your faith. You would draw your comfort, not from Him, but from your faith. And because your faith is not quite perfect, you are as much discouraged as if Jesus was not quite a perfect Savior... But, besides this mistake, I can see one of the greatest sins in your way of reasoning, and yet finely cloaked under a very specious covering. I pulled it off; and behold there was rank treason under it, against the crown and majesty of my Lord and God; for you are kept looking at your act of believing. What is this for? Why, certainly, that you may be satisfied with it. What then? No doubt you will then rest in it, and upon it, satisfied now that Christ is yours, because you are satisfied with your faith. This is making a Jesus of it, and is in effect taking the crown of crowns from his head, and placing it upon the head of your faith. Lord grant you may never do this any more!"
-Pastor William Romaine (18th Century)

now that is deep.. just thought I would share...

Carried to the Table by Leeland

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

You carried me, my God
You carried me

Point of Grace Lyrics

Fight
How clever is my pride
How it deceives my mind
To think I'm in control
When I've really lost it all
How brilliant is my greed
For what it says I need
And then I've come to find I'm empty on the inside

Real
My heart is aching to be real
So I'm coming to you

With all of my broken motives
All of my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness
Now I understand where it leads
I want to be in Your love
I want to be so much more
I know You're reaching out
So what am I fighting You for
What am I fighting You for

How quick is my doubt
To leave my heart without
The presence of Your peace
So that I scarce believe
How battered is my guilt
To crush the life You've built
To keep me far away from any kind of change

Real
My heart is aching to be real
So I'm coming to you

With all of my broken motives
All of my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness
Now I understand where it leads
I want to be in Your love
I want to be so much more
I know You're reaching out
So what am I fighting You for
What am I fighting You for

'Cause only You can save me
And only You can change me
And only You can love me

Here I come, Here I come
So I come to You

With all of my broken motives
All of my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness
Now I understand what it means
I want to be in Your love
I want to be so much more
I know You're reaching out
So what am I fighting You for
What am I fighting You for

With all of my broken motives
All of my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness
Now I understand where it leads
I want to be in Your love
I want to be so much more
I know You're reaching out
I don't want to fight anymore
I don't want to fight

You Are Good
When it's dark and it's cold and I can't feel my soul
You are still good
When the world has gone gray and the rain's here to stay
You are still good

With every breath I take in
I'll tell you I'm grateful again
And the storm may swell even then it is well
You are good

So how can I thank You
And what can I bring
What can a poor man lay at the feet of a king
So I'll sing you a love song
It's all that I have
To tell You I'm grateful
For holding my life in Your hands

Heal the Wound
I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew the me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

This last song is just so beautiful. How I long to be able to say that. Right now I'm not like just heal the wound already. I have trouble seeing beauty in the suffering... I know God doesn't test me beyond what I can bear... but I can't help but think sometimes that He has overestimated me....

LIfe is hard...

College has opened my eyes to a lot of things in life that I would have been happy not to know about. At least that is what I feel like at this particular moment.

I find myself wishing to go back in time. Back home were I know I have friends who like me and want to spend time with me. Back to a church family I know loves and cares for me, and helps me grow in faith. To better times with amazing memories. To the places I loved to go, Island Park, Mote Marine... but even if I went back to those places I realize that what made them so special to me is gone.

I know that the college transition is hard to almost everybody. But I just can't help but feel like I've got the world stacked up against me on this one. I'm having to deal with the hardest time in my life so far and on top of that get picked up from every support system I had and thrown into this new place where I don't even know if people like me.

Don't get me wrong. I have found some wonderful people here at Belmont. There are a couple people in particular who have just saved my life here. I appreciate and enjoy their company so much. But my insecurities get the best of me. I've met so many interesting and amazing people here. People with great talents and personalities. I want so badly to be friends with them, they are just the kind of people I want to be around. The problem is that it seems like I constantly have to ask to be included in anything. I know that making friends takes an active effort, you can't just expect people to be like oh lets hang out every single time. But just once or twice would be nice...just to know I'm at least sort of interesting. This whole thing just makes me feel like I have nothing to offer.

This week's chapter in Captivating is about a woman's biggest fear: abandonment. That fear has just welled up and taken hold inside of me. I know my family and friends back home haven't abandoned me, but they are so far away. I try so hard not fall into this fear, but I've got a pretty good example of it staring me in the face here. I never used to feel this way. I don't think I ever doubted my self worth of value to the people around me. But this semester has just shaken up my world. Abandonment kinda slapped me in the face and I've transfered the fear of it over to my friendships.

I'm a very take charge person. When something comes up I want to get it done as soon as possible. I like to take initiative and get it done if no one else will, and sometimes that leads me to be controlling or bossy. When I start feeling that way, its like I leap back the other direction and just will people to do something for me. Just please anybody ask me to do something! Otherwise I'll just sit here in my room. It not healthy, either way, but I don't know how to fix it.

The obvious answer would be to bring it to God, which I have been trying to do for weeks. My problem is that I can't help but feel that God has brought me this pain. His plan for my life at this moment is causing some major storms within me, and I am afraid that his peace won't come. How does God cause both brokenness and healing at the same time?

I'm stressed with school work, anxious about if people like me, constantly looking for ways to fill my time so I don't feel so alone. I want to badly to be still and just be comfortable with who I am and where I'm at but it's like life just won't let me. The due dates keep on coming, assignments keep on piling, and the social things just stay the same. Am I just supposed to exist and endure until the semester ends?

God came to give me life, and not just life but an abundant life. Why can I not feel it? What is holding me back? How do I get rid of it? Why can't I just be content?

I just don't know anymore....