Looking Back @ 2oo8..

So, another year has come to a close. Looking back I can honestly say it has been the hardest year of my life. Lots of changes. From MCC to working for my dad full time to graduating high school to relationships ending and moving to Nashville for college... they were all exciting and nerve racking times. But still it was hard and I have learned a whole lot about myself.

I don't think I deal with change all too well. I like to know whats going on and to have a system. I also like knowing where I stand with people which usually means having known them for a while. I guess I had to learn these things the hard way by moving. It took me a while to adjust to the way things go in college.

I'd have to say that a year ago if you told me how my life would be today, I would have said absolutely not. I'd also say that sometimes I wish things had ended up differently. I would have done a lot of things differently this year. But whats done is done and I'll just have to keep the faith that it all happened for a reason.

I think its just New Years that makes me look back and wonder if about what I need to do differently next year. I think it has a lot of potential to be a lot of fun... but I'm scared that if I get excited about it I'll just be let down. I know that's not a very trusting attitude, but it is an honest one.

I'm unsure of some things. How God wants to use me next year, my major and well just life plan in general... but I'm also hopeful about the good things God has in store. Being me, I'm making a list here of things I'm looking forward to about this coming semester/ year and things I want to accomplish I guess.

1. Having a car @ school
2. Go to Centential Park more (to play volleyball or picnic etc.)
3. Help out with RUF and the FPC service
4. St. Louis!
5. Change my major
6. Scuba more
7. Family Cruise!
8. Hope Sibling Week
9. Jessica coming to FL for spring break
10. Katie visiting Belmont
11. Katie's graduation!
12. Megan & Jason having their baby
13. Helping out at the church office over the summer
14. Summer trips with FBC
15. Family Cruise

thats all I can think of at this very second... I hope they all get to happen.

You know I just remebered something Cameron Parker said in bible study the other week. I was a saying of her mom's that I think I might adopt to be my goal for 2009. "Don't anticipate just participate"

Christmas Eve

So today doesn't really feel like Christmas Eve to me. Maybe it's because I have been sick the last couple of days and managed to only stay standing long enough to go to the Christmas Eve service (I was sweating with a fever the whole entire time I got ready, but thankfully the sanctuary always so cold I felt relativley comfortable)

Or maybe it is just because I'm not used to it being hot in December anymore... after being in Nashville, I've grown to enjoy the cold and think it's just weird that I was at the beach this weekend.

Or maybe it is because I did my christmas shopping before thanksgiving this year because I was just so so excited about getting people gifts!

Whatever the reason... it just doesn't feel like that Christmas time of year. But thats ok. In fact, growing up that Christmas feeling had the most to do with present. Anticipation and desire, I couldn't wait for Christmas to see what I had gotten that year. This year it's different. In fact, this is the first year I haven't made a wish list. I just didn't really care to, I was more thinking of what I would get others.

And that is a nice change for me. I am celebrating Christmas because of Christ, the presents are barely an after thought... which is kinda nice for a change. This year Christmas is all about Christ. The way it should be :o)

p.s. I just love the candle light service and I love candle light :o)

Beautiful Photography...

So I have a friend @ Belmont who just takes the most amazing pictures I have ever seen... hands down. lol I mean he makes things look better on film than they do in real life! he just put up some pictures of an ice storm in his hometown that are absolutely stunning... I just thought I would share them with ya'll :o)

This one is my favorite:


Here are the others...





And here are somemore of my favorites... I just can't get enough of them!

How Deep the Father's Love for Us...

This is such a beautiful song... really powerful.

I was listening to it the other day, and the words just poured out on me just how much the crucifixion pain the father, but still it was completed and endured and conquered for us. To save us, even while we were unworthy and rebellious against Him. I don't think I'll ever truly understand the total love of God, but I know how thankful I am for it. I fail miserable at reflecting it, but still try just so that maybe one person will be shown the way to God's immeasurable love...

this song also has a special place in my heart because I actually first remember hearing it at an amazing friend's wedding. What a good day... it was actually during this song, right before Megan walked down the isle, that I found out I was accepted into Belmont. Just a little side story...

I had been just freaking out about not knowing if I got accepted for literally weeks. I knew I should give the worrying up to God, that his will would be done and accomplished. If God had other plans, if Belmont was not the school for me, I knew in my heart that it was what I wanted. But still, it was so hard not to be anxious. Then with Megan's wedding I was just completely sidetracked from my worrying. On the day that Belmont was the very last thing I was thinking about, the letter came. I know it isn't that dramatic but I just lost it there in the back of our church for a second. Standing there listening to this beautiful song, surrounded by beautiful girls in my bride's maid dress next to Megan. My dad came over to tell me that it came and I just cried with joy and relief and amazement at God's love. It was a pretty great surprise and one of those moments when I just sit back and say to myself "ya, God's timing is sooo much better than yours could ever imagine to be".

So ya, needless to say this song holds a special place in my heart for many reasons.

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Another one from Mike D...

Another really good post by Tenth Avenue North...

I really like the part that says that evangelism is not the goal of Christianity. God does not need us in order for the gospel to spread. We always think that our purpose in the world is to tell others the good news. Yes, we should do that... but don't for one second think that God NEEDS you to do it. God doesn't need anything or anyone.

Like Mike says, our purpose is to draw near to God. To live in communion with Him, to worship Him and bring Him glory. That is it. Anything else that we accomplish as Christians is out of gratefulness for what he has done.

This makes me think of Isaiah 40 when it says, "Comfort, comfort my people,says your God.2 Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed,that her sin has been paid for,that she has received from the LORD's hand
double for all her sins."

For me this is the message of Christ. It is finished. Christ died for your sins so that you may have comfort in communion with God. It is the message we receive when we let go of ourselves and allow God to move in our hearts. In return we proclaim this message to the world. We tell of what Christ has done for us. How he has given us rest from our attempts to earn our salvation. How he has given us peace and been faithful through our trials. We tell others out of love. You too can find this rest and love! As we mature in Christ, we develop an eye for the sufferings of others and want to help them through their pain."

To me this is what evangelism really is. We don't tell people the good news because we have to. Not because God needs us in order for the gospel to spread, but because we want to! We want to tell people that there is comfort in a relationship with God.

"Chapter 3 Lift Us Up to Fall

Though I struggle to remember it at times,
I've been blessed to discover that God doesn't need me after all.
Wait, what?
Yeah, It's true.
God doesn't need my words, my songs, or my obedience.
He isn't sitting up in heaven, wringing his hands, wondering
if I'm going to pull through for Him either.
In fact, God doesn't need me at all.

What Mike?
What are you even saying?
How else will people hear the good news?
I thought the whole goal of being a Christian is to lead people to Jesus?
I thought that if we don't tell the world about Jesus, then this could be
the last generation of Christians the world will ever see?
Well, no.
This will not be the last generation of Christians. I guarantee it.
I've read the end of the book, and you know what?
There's Christians there at the end.
Unless of course, Christ comes back before this generation dies,
then I suppose it could be the last, but that's not what I'm talking about.
I'm speaking about people who believe its up to us
to keep this whole "Jesus thing going."
To those people I just want to scream, "Relax!"
The church will endure, and it is Christ alone who will preserve her.
If He has to start preaching through donkeys, He will.
I mean, He's done it before hasn't He?

Now to those of you He think I'm completely out of my holly jolly mind,
I'll give you a little Biblical street cred to back up what I'm saying.

"God is not served by men's hands as if He needed anything.
But He gives to us life, breath, and all things."

That from the book of Acts, chapter 17.
And its a pretty substantial blow to the old ego isn't it?
One of the most humbling truth pills that you'll ever have to swallow
is that God is not contingent upon you.
He's not.
And on top of that, he's not gonna let you steal his glory either.
"For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?
Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things!"
Romans 11:34-36 keeps the punches coming our way.
Paul argues we can't even give to God what He doesn't already have.
In fact, He gives to you the gift of serving Him in the first place.

So now let that soak in for a minute.
God doesn't need you.
No, seriously.
Hear it again.
God doesn't need you.
You need Him.

"life, breath, and all things."

I wonder if we really believe this.
Because this means that we can actually serve God in a way that blasphemes Him!
Did you know that?
Did you know that if you serve God, because you think He needs you to,
you're actually offending his strength, power, and majesty?
You're saying, "Here God. I know you can't do this without me, so I'm gonna get
the job done for you! And hey Jesus! You better be keeping track of all this good
I'm doing, because I expect to be rewarded handsomely when this is all said and done!"

Don't you know people like that?
People who serve God as if it were the most annoying thing in the world.
Who grump around doing doing doing all the time, but they always
seem unhappy about it? And then to top it off, they give you a huge guilt trip
if you don't make much of them and all their terrific efforts!
I know people like that, because I'm one of them!

And I guess I say all this, because as of late, and especially in light of the Christmas
season, I feel like we tend to spend a lot more time talking about what we need
to do for God, and too little time talking about what He has already done.
Not that I blame any one group in particular, I just think we need to stop and
remember that this whole thing isn't about us.
No really.
At the end of time, when we're all standing around the throne of God,
we're not going to be screaming, "worthy am I! And worthy are all
my accomplishments! Way to go Salvation Army! Way to go Compassion!
Way to get the job done all you people and organizations! It sure is a good thing
we pulled it together and did all this for God!"
Good heavens no! Instead, when we get home to heaven,
we're going to exclaim, "worthy is the Lamb that was slain!"
And I think we'll see that all those opportunities, all those good works we did
were actually prepared in advance for us to do, and that it's not about what we did
at all, but it's about what He did and gave us the privilege to do.

But that's so hard isn't it?
Because at the end of the day,
we don't like making much of someone else.
We want to be made much of.
We do.
We want to feel important.
We want to feel useful.
We want to earn it.
And the biggest problem with grace is that it implies that you can't earn it.
And in fact, it actually implies the opposite. We earned death,
and all this life and serving and accomplishments, He earned for us.
Dang.
Isn't that disappointing?

I mean, I know a lot of worship leaders that just play music "for God," because,
well, it gets them noticed. I know a lot of people who do a lot of good things
for people, but at the end of the day, its just so they can get their name on a
building, or get applauded, or even earn a pat on the back.
I know a lot of people like that, because, well, I know myself.
And my biggest problem isn't sexual immorality, or anger, or gossip or lying
or drunkenness or anything obvious like that. Although I have struggled with all of those
things at one time or another. But No.
My biggest problem is I think the world is about me.
Not too surprising from an old theatre major I guess, but its true.
I think that if I get credit, noticed, and famous, then I'll be happy.
If I could just do enough good, if I could just earn something for God,
then I could rest secure that He loves me.

And so the gospel is really quite hilarious at the end of the day,
because the gospel teaches that you can't really ever accept God's grace,
until you realize that you can't ever ever ever ever ever earn it!
In fact, only the beggars are able to open their hands to receive the righteousness
that God provides.
Why else would Jesus have so many problems with the successful and religious?
It's because they thought their serving God got them points in some sort of
messed up elementary gold star performance chart system that your teacher
used to use to get you to behave.
Remember those?
Well, God doesn't have one of those.
He just has one big star that Jesus earned for all of us, that He wants to give to us.
Not because that will make us good enough to earn our own stars,
but just the opposite. So we could receive his merit and rest from our striving.

Because you know, none of those things make us free.
Being good, being successful, earning our way to the top to hear
everyone applauding and shouting our name will feel really good for a time,
but the trick is, none of that will ever free us from the tyranny of self.
You know what does though?
Forgetting about ourselves altogether.

And so how do we do that?
We get caught up gazing on someone else.
I think that's what makes falling in love so beautiful at first.
For a few minutes or hours or days,
you actually forget about yourself,
because you're so caught up in the beauty of another.
And I think this is what God has in mind for us when He tells us to do stuff.
Not to be justified or honored or praised, but simply because we're in love.
Think about all the crazy things you've done or heard others do when
they're in love? You'll stand in the rain with a boom box over your head.
You'll walk miles in the snow, uphill both ways. You'll go without food,
you'll go without sleep, you'll spend exorbitant amounts of money.
You'll get so enamored, that you'll actually forget about yourself.
And oh, when that happens, that's when we're free.

And so it should come as no surprise that the ultimate reason we're saved,
isn't to be useful. We don't need to be clean to be used.
And quite frankly, I'm tired of people foolishly preaching that from the pulpit.
(God used Jonah, Pharaoh, and Judas, to name a few, so that should give
great hope to screw ups like you and me)
We aren't adopted just so that we can advance the gospel and evangelize the world.
(Although that's a beautiful gift we're given)
Ultimately, we are saved to draw near to God.
To be close to Him, to know Him, and to fall in love with Him.
"This is eternal life, that you might know the one true God and Jesus Christ
whom He has sent." -John 17:3

And in that process, turning our gaze away from our works,
our other gods, and finally ourselves, we actually
find the freedom we were looking for all along.
It isn't from feeling good about ourselves, it's from giving up on ourselves.
Like staring at a sunset, or a mountain top. or the grand canyon, it's when
we forget about ourselves in the grandeur of God that we are truly and finally set free.

So may He lift us up to fall before Him,
open our eyes to see His beauty, and give us good works to express our love for Him.
It's not about what we do, it's about what He has done for us.
Or as John Piper once said,
"Man was made for mountains, not mirrors."
-Mike D."

"Love is Now... and Later" from Tenth Avenue North's blog...

AS always I just love the Tenth Avenue North blog... this one really goes along with my last entry about Christmas being and expecting the second coming too....

this topic is something I also have realized for myself this semester... of coures Mike D does a better and funnier job of explaining it...so enjoy!

"I think Bono said it best, when he exclaimed,
"You broke the bonds and you loosed the chains
carried the cross of my shame, of my shame.
You know I believe it.
"But I still haven't found what I'm looking for."

Said what best Mike? He didn't say anything!
I mean, that doesn't make any sense does it?
Jesus is what we're looking for. Right?

Well, yes.

I remember a particular chapel service at my Christian high school,
when a worship band came and sang this song.
It was terribly cool at that time to sing a U2 song for worship too,
but when it came time to sing the refrain after that verse,
they cleverly changed the lyrics to,
"and now I have found, what I'm looking for!"
It was quite a moment too. Hands going up all over the place,
people shouting, flags waving, it was totally amazing.
And I remember pumping my fist, and thinking, "yeah! That's right.
What does Bono know? How could he talk about Jesus and then
say that he still hasn't found what he's looking for?
Not me! I've found what I'm looking for! I'm not still searching,
I'm not still looking....right?

Well, yes and no.

Ten years ago I thought U2 was trying to say that Jesus wasn't really the answer.
Now, I'm starting to see that they just understood something that I didn't.
You see, I think Bono was simply reiterating something that theologians have
been writing about for centuries. He wasn't making blasphemous statements
as much as he was poeticizing what is commonly referred to as,
"the already and the not yet."
And you know, I'd say it might just be the most difficult truth that a Christian
will ever have to wrestle with.
The fact that we already have what we're looking for,
and in the same moment, haven't yet received it,
isn't so easily reconciled as one would hope.

I mean, if some of you think about it long enough,
your brain might explode.
But believe me, it's true.
Think about it this way.

(But if you start to get dizzy or nauseous,
discontinue reading and breathe into a paper bag.)

Love is here and now. We needn't look any further than the cross.
To all the people who say, "I wish that Jesus loved me! If only he'd
get me that job, or fix that relationship, or get me a parking space on Black Friday...etc,"
I would say, "Look no further! The cross is proving to you the love of God right now."
And as disappointing as that might be for some, Romans 5:8 says that
"God proves his love in this; that while we were still sinners Christ died for us."
His love isn't waiting around the corner, or in a parking lot in front of Target.
He isn't waiting to prove to you his love in some cosmic experience,
where he pops out like a game show god and gives you the idol you've always wanted.
No. We already have the acceptance, forgiveness, and validation that every
human heart longs for by Christ's death in our place. Like David defeating
Goliath, Jesus triumphed over sin and damnation, and gives a victory
to a people who never lifted a finger to accomplish it themselves.
We are loved and accepted and it has absolutely nothing to do with our
performance. It has to do with his for us.
This is good news. This is the gospel.

But at the same time,
the very people who have been forgiven all, have transversely fallen in love
with the Saviour who loves them, (hopefully), and yet,
though they have his Spirit living inside them, they are still waiting to see
Him face to face. Which again, hopefully, is the burning desire of every ransomed heart.

So, the love we're looking for we have in Christ, at the cross,
but the lover Himself we have yet to see.
In some sense, I guess you could say that
we're fighting for what we already have received.
The already and the not yet, and it is a profound mystery.

And if you follow this through, you can see how much of our wasted time
and effort is from a failure to believe one of these two truths.
Either we think, "I'm not validated. I'm not important,
so I'm gonna go run to something or someone to give me significance."
Or we believe the lie that we're supposed to feel at home here,
and so the second we start to feel dissatisfied, instead of accepting
it as part of the lovesickness we feel for God himself, we just run to whatever
cheap thrill we can get in that moment.
And that's a pretty good definition of sin.
Identity that comes from something other than what God has done for you,
and pleasure that we seek before the pleasure that God Himself can give.
Or to be King James about it,
"Thou shalt have no other gods before me."

But man, if deep down in my soul, God was really my God,
if I really believed that I didn't have to earn my approval,
that I didn't have to be good enough or smart enough or faithful enough to
get God to love me, I think it would change who I run to for acceptance.
Love is here. Love is now.
And if I really knew that the thing my heart wanted most was to be home
with God, then it wouldn't come as any great shock to me when I feel dissatisfied here.
And maybe, just maybe, I'd actually be able to be content in my discontentment.

Could you imagine?
A bunch of people who weren't fighting to prove themselves to everyone,
and who gladly heard and welcomed criticism?
A group of people who actually believed they were loved in spite of themselves,
whose identities, like John the disciple, weren't based on their own successes and failures,
but were based on what had been done for them?
A church that wasn't forever running to "lovers less wild,"
because it was content waiting for God in its discontentment?

For all you Switchfoot fans, thats what the whole "Beautiful Letdown" album is about.
"It was a beautiful letdown, the day I knew, all the riches this world had to offer me,
would never due....in a world full of bitter pain, and bitter doubt. I was trying so
hard to fit in, until I found out, that I don't belong here. I don't belong here."

Man, what peace to know that this isn't my home.
What a beautiful letdown to know that I am loved and there's
nothing I could run to that would give me what I want.

But it's not really that easy is it?
Because we're made for a massive amount of pleasure you and I.
We're made for God to fill us, and shine through us, and so when
God's taking his sweet old time to satisfy us,
it seems downright impossible to hold out doesn't it?
I mean, people want to be happy, right?
They want their best life now, and so when Jesus comes along and says,
stop looking, just wait, "your best life is coming later!"
Well, it's not exactly what you want to hear is it?
"Don't tell me that love is here, and not yet!
Just give me something to dull the pain!

But that's just it.
Love is here, and now and...later.
Everything you want and are looking for, you've got it.
So stop looking.
Everything else that you want, wait.
It's coming,

Like I said before, think about this too long and you might go cross-eyed.
But I'd rather be cross-eyed and content than have my eyes fixed
on a world that can't even deliver what it promises.
If God Himself is really the desire of our hearts, then as long as
we're strangers here, we'll sing along with those crazy Irish rockers,
"I still haven't found what I'm looking for."

Psalm 84:10
"Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked."

Cheers,
Mike D"

Christmas from a Different Perspective

So Kevin Twit from Belmont RUF said something the other Tuesday night that really got me thinking. It wasn't as if I had never heard it before but I had never really caught onto the idea to really think about it until then.

We were singing Christmas songs and he mentioned how Christmas isn't just about Jesus' birth. For the Christian, Christmas is a celebration of what has happened, but also a celebration and anticipation of what is to come. When we sing songs about Christ coming... we mean both then and in the future.

It just gave me a fresh perspective on Christmas Hymns. We we sing "sleep in heavenly peace" or "joy to the world" was sing of the birth, but also the anticipation of the second coming. Perfect peace and joy hasn't yet been realized in this world. Without the savior, these things cannot be fully realized. The Christian does not find ultimate rest here on earth. When we sing about these things in Christmas songs, we sing of our hope.

This gives me so much more joy in the Christmas season. Sometimes I get tired with singing about the past. Don't get me wrong, Jesus coming is NOT something to get tired over... we owe everything to Christmas but the actual story just gets jaded year after year. Kind of cliche all of that stuff about shepherds and wise men...

But I'm not jaded about the second coming! Oh no, even with how blessed I feel right now... nothing would be better than getting to go home to where there are not more troubles or worries. Christmas is a reminder of that... Christ has come... he lived, died, and rose again for us.... and he is coming again! Now that is just too much for anyone to not love Christmas!

So idk it is kinda fun to think of Christmas songs with the second coming in mind....

This one is my favorite right now:
O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appears
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny
From depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, O come, Thou Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes, on Sinai's height,
In ancient times did'st give the Law,
In cloud, and majesty and awe.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

Busy Busy Busy...

Wow! The end of the semester is just jam packed! Still, I have just been soo blessed!

Thanksgiving at home was just fantastic! I got to go to the beach on a perfect day with Allison and have just a perfect time... I got to be a part of the college group which just uplifted by heart. I got to hang out with some youth group people at the Gibbens household...

Since then I have had some awesome experiences @ Belmont and I love this place more and more... you know that right there reminds me of my decision making tendencies. Some people just make a decision real fast and then think later if it was the right one... not me. I really agonize over the decision... and most of the time don't really know if I've made the right one for a while. That is kinda how I felt about college. I mean don't get me wrong, I loved Belmont in the beginning too. I just had a lot going on in my head and heart and had some trouble adjusting to not living at home. I took me some time to figure out if I was having problems with Belmont or just with college life in general. There were times that I thought I made the wrong decision... but as time goes on, I begin to see that I made a good decision. God has blessed me and guided me here and I am thankful for the opportunity.

Anyways...(this post is kinda all over the place!) I got to go to the symphony with Mary Lauren, Be a member of the audience for the Sandra McCracken house show taping with RUF, see Christmas at Belmont with my parents... just lots and lots of fun!

I sooo looking forward to being able to do all of this once again over Christmas break in addition to making a few extra bucks by helping my dad out at his office. I made a little list of all the things I am looking forward to about the break:
1. Metropolitan Ministries
2. College Group
3. Joined Church services (just getting to praise God with all my heart surrounded by the whole church family... Christmas music... I love those joined services!)
4. The Beach (yes I am going no matter how cold... you can play volleyball in any temperature by my book)
5. Having my mom's family over = cousins, aunt & uncle + grandparents to play board games and have fun
6. Visiting Megan @ work (I am making this happen even though I will be working at my dad's office... well i hope to...)
7. Driving back to Nashville with my dad! yay road trip!
8. St. Louis!!! (being a tourist with native guides haha, embarrassing home videos, seeing all our Missouri friends)

The joy and hope of Christmas is really driving on through these finals... I had one today that I think went ok... got Kansas and Kentucky confused on a map... BSed an essay question sort of successfully and nailed the other one... Now just have to study for my Seminar final tomorrow which is sort of intimidating... and then I have a joke of a final in Entertainment on Tuesday... so I think after tomorrow at noon I will really feel free of the anxiety of finals...

Still, I love my life and my Savior who gave it to me... I am just so so blessed :o)